At Multiply Project, our training focuses on five key aspects of a church planter’s life: calling, character, competency, capacity, and companion. We list calling first because it drives someone to engage in church planting. However, in terms of importance, character comes first.
I believe the people around you, whether or not they follow Jesus, are always asking three questions about you:
- Are you like me?
- Do you like me?
- Would I want to become like you?
The first question, “Are you like me?” reflects our increasingly tribal culture. Relationships today are often based on affinity, shared experiences, and similar beliefs. For example, I’m a cyclist, so I naturally connect with others who ride bikes. Having traveled more than most, I also enjoy conversations centered on travel, forming friendships around common experiences. We tend to gravitate toward people who share our views on culture, politics, and spirituality. This is why many Jesus-followers today have few, if any, non-Christian friends, and vice versa. By the way, if you find yourself in a “holy huddle,” breaking out might be as simple as starting a new hobby.
The second question, “Do you like me?” is one you’ve been asking since childhood. It’s a basic human desire to be liked. The challenge for Christians is proving to non-believers that they are genuinely liked. Many have experienced rejection or judgment from people they know Jesus called to “love one another.” Ideally, you have the opportunity to show someone you like them before they even learn you are a Christian. If not, when the topic of faith comes up, you might say something like, “Yes, I’m a Christian, but the kind who likes you—not the kind who judges you.”
If you succeed in building a relationship with someone who isn’t a follower of Jesus, they will inevitably ask the third question: “Would I want to become like you?” This isn’t limited to faith; we all evaluate others this way, especially with the curated lives on social media. We wonder if people’s lives are as great as they appear. On a deeper level, we ask whether anyone around us has figured out life and relationships better than we have. Anxiety, depression, conflict, and loneliness are widespread, making it rare and intriguing to meet someone whose life radiates love, joy, peace, and kindness. We wonder: Is their life as good as it seems? Could I become like them? Would I want to if I could?
I believe today’s apologetics must answer these three questions—not through words, but by living a life marked by Jesus-formed character. It’s about aligning what we say with what we do, letting our actions flow naturally from who we are. This is why church planters must first be people whose character is shaped by Jesus.